There was one special lent and easter while I was a minister at All Nations Presbyterian Church in Oakland, CA. I was responsible for the Sunday evening service we referred to as Tenebrae, it consisted of about twenty regular people that attended, we lit candles and used liturgical format that was more in line with high church when compared to contemporary churches. Since we had such a small group we would regularly try to incorporate things into the service sometimes for the good and sometimes not.
During Lent one year we decided to create a banquet table at the front of the church during a time of reflection early in the service. The table would be set in stages and at the end of it, at Easter, it would culminate in our Easter Service being a meal together. The first week I remember the table alone being set out, then each week incrementally we added an element that would eventually be part of our meal including wine, chairs, plates, silverware, candles, napkins, and of course the food was amazing on Easter. The meal we enjoyed together at Easter was a joy and will go down as one of my favorite memories of my time as a full-time minister in Oakland.
The table was set in order for people to come and they did. We had artist, software developer, gay, straight, white, black, Asian, religious and irreligious. There was room for all of us. As I have reflected on this event biblically since one of the biggest problems the early church had was who you were allowed to eat with and who was invited to the table. Peter got it wrong. There is also a reading of the Older Testament story of Sodom and Gomorrah that deconstructs the story being about sexual sin, rather this reading reasons the condemnation of the city is because they were inhospitable to strangers that were not like them and lawless.
One thing I appreciate about my current job is the belief that when people eat a meal together there is a better relationship, trust is established at a deeper level, and in the best circumstances you enjoy each other more. Jesus had the reputation of being a lush because of all the parties he went to and who he ate with, and who doesn’t want to be like Jesus. My table has expanded and I want many to eat and drink with me, my vision for the table is more grand then I ever expected.
At this post I want to make shift from the previous two I shared regarding the last few years of my spiritual journey. In the previous posts the mid-faith crisis I experienced was manageable because of a few light posts that were available to me over the four year period. These were far from mountain top experiences with God but rather as 2 Corinthians 12:9 encourages us, ““My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” From these few cold glasses of water I was kept from throwing myself off a bridge literally, and I with this post I want to transition into sharing a few things that I have learning in the experience.
The Walk and the The Wall were completely necessary for me as they each provided insight into the God I have known since a young child, the God who I had studied about in Seminary, and yet the God who I had shaped so clearly in my image I hardly knew anything about at all. I love the Annie Lamott quote, “You can safely assume you’ve created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do.” This quote is also a very good starting point for my first lesson, Big Things and Little Things. As we all know most profound lessons that we incorporate into our lives actually come from kindergarten. This one is no exception but it came from my daughter’s kindergarten.
My second daughter began kindergarten this year, and having been the first of our kids that went through Montessori preschool we were unsure how she would adjust to Seattle public school. Thankfully our concerns were without merit and she is thriving, most of the credit goes to her teacher, Ms. Pattsy Burgess of Broadview Thompson. One of the major lessons that Pattsy has taught my daughter, me and our entire family. The simple lesson is “Big Things and Little Things”.
The assessment is fair that our family is a sensitive family that often has emotional responses to the situations life throws at us, this can often lead to a blowing out of perspective small situations because of our emotions. Early in this academic year my daughter explained to me that, “Daddy, your house burning down is a big deal. Losing your pencil is a small deal.” Of course I had to ask more and she went on to explain that Ms. Burgess began to ask her when she was frustrated or emotional in a situation, “Is this a big thing or little thing?” Often the big thing would be your house burning down, so pretty much anything in comparison is a little thing. A part of me was concerned that having a child consider her house burning down may have risk associated with it, but in my continued discussions with this wise six year old this never seemed a big deal, thankfully. So what was shared as a framework to help my daughter identify if her emotional response is in line with the situation has become a reminder for me as well. This is not to eliminate emotional responses or even call them wrong, rather it is an opportunity to calibrate to keep them in line with what is actually going on rather then spiraling into a world that is out of touch with the actual situation. Often it provides a good conversation with the younger two girls in our family when they are fighting, it just takes some of the spit and fire out of the situation.
Every human being on the planet has had their share of both Big Things and Little Things. In my life the Big Things include suffering sexual abuse as a child, severe cycles of depression since middle school age, the deposition of pastor and dear friend during seminary at Grace Seattle (the church where my wife and I met), working over three years for a hypocritical conservative pastor who was unfaithful to his wife and family for more than fifteen years, and counseling a serial murderer as a first year pastor. Each one of these Big Things in my life takes years of counseling and meditation to properly understand and remain human after suffering, part of my recent spiritual journey is recognizing that these are Big Things and to not live in denial of the impact that just one could have on a single human life much less a marriage or family.
Another point to share is the event that caused me to lose my ordination and ultimately leave the Presbyterian Church in America (PCA) was actually a small thing. In the past few years sharing it I almost felt embarrassed. My family was almost broken apart and we left the church because Grace Seattle, where I was serving as a ruling elder, did a terrible job of firing the worship pastor. Churches and business hire and fire all the time, to someone outside that church or outside the church at large it would be confusing as to why it caused such an impact on me and my family.
The first point I had to reflect on was, did we overreact? I have come to peace that we did not. Admittedly I am an sensitive emotional person and as I stated before this can lead me to making Big Things out of Little Things. This is the reason for a time I would be embarrassed talking about the situation with people, I was still exploring the option that I had overreacted. Unfortunately, I did not overreact to a Little Thing rather this Little Thing exposed a Big Thing far worse then simply firing a worship pastor.
The worship pastor and his family had been serving Grace Seattle for thirteen years when the firing went down. They had served the church during the first major crisis where the pastor was deposed, and the original music created by this pastor was the only stability during the crisis. The Big Thing that happened in the firing was he was no longer a member of the church or even a human deserving to be treated with dignity, rather this pastor was a limiting factor on the future growth of the church and threat to the senior pastor and needed to be dismissed regardless of the impact on his family or his spiritual health. This act was cruel and abusive, and I write openly on this because I was on the side of the perpetrator as an elder before I left the church. This was a Little Thing for the church that resulted in a Big Thing for a family, and as a leader who failed I need to publicly repent of these decisions I supported.
In reflecting on this situation and my experience in the PCA as a whole I realized there is another Big Thing. As a denomination, organization or business the PCA has a fundamentally broken model in that they fail to value people. In my experience in and outside the church this is not unique. Very few embody the words of C.S. Lewis,
There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal. Nations, cultures, arts, civilizations – these are mortal, and their life is to ours as the life of a gnat. But it is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub and exploit – immortal horrors or everlasting splendors. This does not mean that we are to be perpetually solemn. We must play. But our merriment must be of that kind (and it is, in fact, the merriest kind) which exists between people who have, from the outset, taken each other seriously – no flippancy, no superiority, no presumption.
During my brief experience as an Elder in the PCA, this failure has lead to regular acts of corporate abuse and deceptive harmful group think. Under the guise of being “balanced on Scripture” or “true to Scripture” the PCA abuses people if they are out of line with conservative reformed theology. It is assumed by the PCA that you are not even elect if you think differently then their narrow misogynistic modern view. Orthodoxy is dogmatic and completely violates the Biblical requirements for being part of the community of God as described in both the Early and Late Testaments. For those ready to battle me on this point, feel free but at least take a moment to read Scott McKnight’s recent post (by guest blogger Michael Pahl) that relates to what it means to seek “Biblical Christianity”. Scott’s guest blogger Michael Pahl writes in regarding the current WorldVision Situation but the depth of the divide described in the article I believe applies to my point, here.
At this moment I think it is important for me to share a part of my first post in this series, “I am on a new path where my thoughts will be appropriate to share with the world. There are some who know me that may read this post with concern or possible feel threatened that I am making a case against beliefs they hold close, if that is the case for you do not feel obligated to continue reading. Your friendship from afar is appreciated, yet I am not interested in arguing or persuading anyone of making this same journey if they are not open to it. So in short if you found this via Facebook instead of leaving nasty comments feel free just to unfriend me now, no hard feelings and I wish you many blessings.” So in short you can attempt to argue with me all you would like but I feel no obligation to fight anyone on any of the content of this post. If your goal is to correct me or start a fight my advice would be to unfriend me now, rather if you are open to discussion I long for that. Any defensiveness to protect a theological view is a Little Thing for me and I am focusing on Big Things. May God have the glory.
Also I think it is important to mention that I did ask the family of the worship pastor permission to use their situation as an example, they suffered through enough already related to Grace Seattle, and they said yes without names named. In regards to the leadership of Grace Seattle or the PCA I did not ask their permission or allow them to review this post. Since leaving Grace Seattle and nearly being excommunicated I have had no contact with the leadership of the church, I am essential dead to them. The PCA on a denominational level perpetrated lies on why I left my ministry role in Oakland, CA at All Nations Church and have not contacted me since ripping my ordination during the last crisis at Grace Seattle. In the face of all the sin that both of these organization are perpetrating, I think their actions toward me are Little Things. My hope is through these prophetic words and the work of the Holy Ghost, repentance will come to all who have been involved in these horrible destructive actions and bring them closer to God. That would be a wonderful Big Thing.
Related to this kindergartener I am trying to raise with her two sisters in the church, it is really challenging yet our family has never left the church and God has not abandoned us. As a parent I long to keep telling a story to my kids about a Big Thing, with all that has shifted and changed in my spirituality Jesus is the Big Thing. Also I long to tell a spiritual journey story that allows them to see the beauty and pain of their spiritual legacy. Only my oldest daughter was alive when I was a full time vocational pastor, the other girls have only known their daddy as a sales monkey, I long to tell all three a redemptive story that is a Big Thing. But the legacy goes back further on both sides of their families, faithful Catholics and fundamentalist with cult like loyalty in their blood, a strange but sweet mix. All this is only a part of the wonderful lesson the God of the Universe has for this little tribe known as the Stevens, may the God of the universe give us the imagination for the big things that have been prepared in love for the world as well.
So in a previous silly post I made a statement about Mark Driscoll’s confusion. To his credit there has been a statement of repentance from the man: http://www.relevantmagazine.com/god/church/mark-driscoll-posts-open-letter-apology
His letter has been covered in a number of blogs and such, I have not read much but must say that I am hopeful that these are first fruits of some very good movement for Mark, Mars Hill and Acts 29. I long for a world where public repentance is not a major story by Christian leaders, but rather these ‘leaders’ live as publicly in their repentance as they do their celebritism. Praise be to God.
Being an information worker events like today are very hard to remove yourself from, there are two many questions and no answers. It is far to easy to listen to the latest reports or scan facebook to see how others process evil. This is one attempt to follow up on a note I received related to my previous post, Suffering: a devotional primer, and make some sense of the tragedy from today. In respect to my friend I will not share the note that inspired these thoughts, but rather will share my response:
Your note lead me to two thoughts.
First, there is great power in the example of Christ. Each week at our church I am reminded of your exact point during the Eucharist and the priest states “On the night he was betrayed.” Jesus put walking in the midst of suffering into practice in a way that we strive for, as scripture reminds us he was faithful…even to death.
Second, the topic of forgiveness is one that I may address at some point but is so very difficult. The easy part is our responsibility in working toward justice for others, when we are witnesses to wrong doing that does not involve us we must take the role of prophet and speak, “Thus saith the Lord…this shit is wrong.”
The hard part is the ongoing posture of forgiveness. My experience in this area is very rocky, there are people who I have worked very hard to forgive in a moment when circumstance in my life change I realize that I need to forgive in that present moment. I’m not sure how much of Dan Allender you have read but his thoughts on this topic have been helpful for me. In the last year I went through a dark period and realized that my forgiveness needed to move deeper.
Tied in there somewhere is wisdom gained from being wounded, often times the Christian way of forgive and forget leads to unhealthy patterns…I am sure you would never go to work for/with that guy again…yes he deserves grace but that does not mean you need to bear the brunt again of his sanctification. I have also worked with people that have done tremendous evil, personally as a steward of God’s Kingdom and of the family God has provided me it is my responsibility as best I can to not submit to evil authority. Jesus only had to go to the cross once, there are appropriate sacrifices and martyrdom…and then there is a unhealthy martyrdom complex that I find with many Christians. (and I myself have bought into during times in my life, suffering comes you don’t have to chose the path)
The word may not be ‘shocked’ by the presence of sin, but there is an appropriate place to call out to God, we pray ‘thy kingdom come on earth as it is in heaven’. The kingdom again is in the here and now, so today I did cry for those families who’s children are not coming home safe from school, also I sent out my holiday cards for work because that was my way of spreading some good while feeling completely powerless..seemed the only way for me not to run to my daughters school and bring her home:) I really like how you put it ‘be a living example to all men of how to actually live in our daily tempos’, we are different and our lives should reflect that. We have the ability to grieve like no one else and we have the ability to party like no one else.
Obviously I am grateful for the discussion. Feel free to let me know if you have any thoughts.
To end sorrow is to face the fact of one’s loneliness, one’s attachment, one’s petty little demand for fame, one’s hunger to be loved; it is to be free of self-concern and the puerility of self-pity. – Jiddu Krishnamurti
God allows suffering, in particular for God’s children, to lead them to the One, Jesus who can comfort us (The Comforter), reframe our ambition (The Sermon on the Mount), fulfill our hunger (Bread of Life) and set us free for freedoms sake (Call to childlikeness). This morning my thoughts are around suffering in this world, and I offer up these thoughts on behalf of some of my closest friends who are suffering in ways far beyond my imagination can comprehend. A friend from college Tim Sayegh asked the following question on Facebook today.
Tim Sayegh: Looking forward to an open discussion tonight here at the Sayegh house on why God allows suffering – a topic that can be very personal and that many have had to think on at one point or another. So, why does He?
Here is my answer.
Michael Stevens: Great topic for family! I don’t think this answer is complete but I think there are a few places to start. (1) God is logical, therefore God has allowed people to face the consequences of their actions (the fall and sin since), this makes mercy (not getting what you deserve) and grace (being blessed though you don’t deserve it) even more amazing (2) Steve Brown, a seminary professor of mine always says, “For every pagan that gets cancer God allows a believer to get cancer, to show there is a difference in our suffering.” We suffer with hope and that should make a difference in how we suffer. Be careful because God is not a child abuser, so this answer alone falls short. (3) This is the most theological and hard for me to fully understand Col 1:24 says “Now I rejoice in what was suffered for you, and I fill up in my flesh what is still lacking in regard to Christ’s afflictions, for the sake of his body, which is the church.” Our suffering ‘completes’ the suffering of Christ. That does not mean the Jesus sacrifice was incomplete in effect, but it was incomplete without our further suffering. In our suffering we identify and participate actively in the redemptive work of the cross. In some way suffer to ‘fill up in my flesh what is still lacking in regard to Christ’s afflictions’ is about forwarding God’s kingdom here on earth, we are active participants with Christ. I guess I understand this practically because when my wife gets sick I join in her suffering because we are ‘one flesh’, if I am Christ’s beloved there is a supernatural connection as well between my life and Christ’s.
Thanks Tim for spurring these thoughts this morning, you were used to set my mind on the Sermon on the Mount. My prayers are for those dear friends facing extremely difficult challenges today.
My theology of work is forever changing and evolving, and one place that I journey with others on this path is at Kiros, once or twice a month depending on my travel schedule I attended the breakfasts meetings they put on where they often have a speaker share some perspective on living out their calling as a Christian in the marketplace. As a side note I also had the privilege of speaking to the group last March, if you want to check that our it is here. This last Friday Richard Mouw of Fuller Seminary provided one of the best talks I have heard on the topic, his stories had us rolling on the floor, his theology was simple enough a child could understand while making thoughtful people think, and his love of the scriptures came through as everything was driven by the text. The premise of Richard’s talk was very simple, you have been called by God to your work and you have the opportunity to examine that calling in this life to better understand your ‘responsibility’ to live out that calling in your fullness.
There were so many rich stories to share but my favorite was one Richard shared about a friend who is a chicken farmer who examined his role in the plan God has in raising chickens on his farm. There is a tension when you come to farming or the role animals have on this earth and the tension is this: Animals are not people and animals have not merely been created to serve our purposes. Another way to say this is a chicken won’t write Shakespeare, but a chicken is not merely a piece of meat. Therefore this farmer thought deeply about the theology of raising chickens. He came up with this, “God wants every chicken on our farm to have the opportunity to strut his/her chicken self infront of the other chickens.” In that theology I hear echos of the local farm movement as described to me by Mark Canlis, that the goals of these farmers is to have their cows (or other animals) only have one “bad day” in their life. That day would be the day they are slaughtered. Though the image Richard provided me was so much more winsome because I see in my mind that chicken strutting around, rather than focusing on the bloody chopping block.
This can be a helpful premise for chickens, but I propose that people cannot think deeply about these issues because we don’t recognize that we have been created to strut the glory in which we have been created, theologians refer to this as being created in the image of God. Marianne Williamson was famously quoted in a speech by Nelson Mandela, she says,
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
The knee jerk reaction people, especially from my theological tradition have, to this kind of thinking is that we are sinful therefore pride and arrogance must be guarded against. This warning is fair but it sets up a false choice between humility and glory. Jesus lived in the fullness of God and yet was extremely humble. He accepted all people as equal, he did not use them as means to an end, the only part I would add to our responsibility in the area of humility is that we recognize that we are wrong intentionally because of bad motives and unintentionally whereas Jesus did not have this struggle because he was God…he was perfect. One friend of mine says, “I’m wrong 50% of the time, the hard part is that I don’t even know which 50%, but God is making me better.” Live out in the glory that you have been created in, be quick to acknowledge when you fail at it, and in gratitude acknowledge that the source of every good gift in your life is not your own but rather a gift from God.
The question that Richard’s (free-range) Chicken Theology brought up for me is, how do you apply this in the darkest valley’s of your career and work? In the past two years before my current job I walked through a few of those valleys, the struggle of broken promises that would not reward me for my work, getting fired, and having a job where I felt lonely and hopeless. How do you strut your stuff in those circumstance? I asked the question and Richard’s answer was twofold as I understood it, in thinking about it I think there may be at least third option as I understand it.
Richard said first your current circumstances may be preparation for the next step. This rang true for me because I look back on the last two years and acknowledge that I would not be currently living in such glory without all that I had gone through. The experience humbled me, gave me fearful experiences that I persevered through, and provided tangible knowledge that assists me daily in my current job. Learn everything you can if you are going through a hard time, examine your character, life and work for there could be something on the horizon you are completely unaware of that will be a blessing. This answer provides hope, but the truth is like a chicken we are completely ignorant if our future date is the chopping block. And yes I know that even for the child of God the chopping block is not the end of the story because there is greater glory beyond, but I still find this answer a part of the overall answer rather then complete.
The second answer Richard provided is that your vocation could be less then the sum total of your calling. Our callings are greater than our work, I sell therefore I am a salesperson yet I am a father, husband, churchman, and the list goes on and on. Perhaps your work is merely a platform that provides you the freedom to pursue the other callings in your life with greater glory. I have met many people in my life that this is the circumstances they live in, they are lawyers but their passion is to see the gospel forwarded in particular countries in the world like China. The short side of this answer as complete is that we were created in a garden where all aspects of life were intended to work for God’s glory, so when we set create an arbitrary distinction between our work life and home life, for instance, it is impossible to live as God intended…as a whole person. I know for me personally when my work life was hopeless it was very difficult to enjoy my time at the park with my children, most of my conversations with my wife were in tears clouded by depression. This is why I contend again that work as a platform merely for the rest of our life falls short in allowing us to live gloriously.
A third option I want to propose does not answer the question fully either. As a matter of fact I sense that used incorrectly it could be the most damaging of the the options as it is the most deterministic and could create an undeserved heavier burden on someone already struggling. This option is the most Taoist or Confucius of the options, and because of that I think it is the most practical (in touch with how the world really functions and how our role relates to that functioning).
A documentary came out recently titled, Jiro dream of Sushi “by David Gelb takes a look at the work and life of Jiro Ono, a Michelin three-star sushi chef who, at 85 years of age, continues to work on his craft every day at his tiny restaurant in a Tokyo office building basement opposite a subway station entrance. His colleagues, his country, and at least one very knowledgeable food writer recognize him as perhaps the greatest sushi chef alive.” This description is taken from an article on Lifehacker by Maximiliano El Nerdo Nérdez. In the article titled Lessons We can Learn from Jiro Ono, Maximiliano encourages readers as his first point to fall in love with your work.
“Once you decide on your occupation,” says Jiro, “you must immerse yourself in your work. You have to fall in love with your work. Never complain about your job. You must dedicate your life to mastering your skill. That’s the secret of success and is the key to being regarded honorably.”
Deciding on your occupation is a challenge for we live in a society that provides the opportunity to live in reasonable comfort regardless of your job or if it is in line with your calling. The hard work is not finding a job, it is discovering calling…once your calling is discovered or rather accepted (if you are a Calvinist) then the path of occupation is more clear though it may be a difficult path. Part of my calling is as an evangelist, meant that for a time my occupation would place me circumstances to lead people to a similar vision of my spiritual practice though for most people I talked with they would not share the same vision. So I became a pastor of a church in Oakland, CA. The church had financial challenges from before I started there, attendance was poor, and it was in a city that was not necessarily supportive of the entire scope of work we were pursing. The path for me as an evangelist was not easy. Now that I am in technology services my calling as an evangelist has not changed, but the path is much easier in many ways, and the path still allows me to live out my glorious calling while dedicating myself in excellence to my occupation.
Today I want to encourage everyone, strut your stuff in front of us other chickens. If you are in a dark valley, remember your current occupation (or lack of occupation) could be a learning step, a platform for other work, or the place you have been given to dedicate yourself. Even as I write that I believe the answer is all three not merely one or another. When I worked in a church we began each service with a call to worship, and I would frame the call to worship and the entire service with these words, “The good news for those God loves is that he has the first word to us and that first word is always blessing. God loves you and has made you in his glory! The good news does not end there rather God has the first word and the last word. The last word of those God loves is also blessing, you have been delivered.” So regardless of your circumstance remember you have been created for glory and you will be delivered unto glory. Amen.
During the past week I have been thinking through many of the experiences of my life that have been used to bring me to where I am at. This morning as I am reading I came across a passage in 1 Samuel 21, that clearly reminded me of something out of Lord of the Rings, and it was a passage of scripture that I never have remembered reading.
In a previous post I spoke about King Saul, who had been chosen the leader of God’s people Israel really for no other apparent reason other than God chose him by placing God’s Spirit upon Saul. Later in the story a new King (a different King) is ordained and the Spirit of God leaves Saul, only returning temporarily in the story. The kingship essentially is passed on to a young boy named David. Now just about everyone in western culture knows of David because of the story of David versus Goliath. In a battle between God’s people and their most brutal enemies, the Philistines, a bet is made to decide the war, instead of all the warriors fighting the Philistines make an offer that if an Israelite warrior can defeat the best of the best of the Philistines it will settle the dispute. Sounds like a good way to spear blood shed the only problem is the Philistines have a weapon of mass destruction named Goliath. He is essentially an indestructible giant that leads God’s people into fear and cowardliness. Except for one pre-pubescent boy named David, who as everyone can remember defeats Goliath by relying on God and using a slingshot an one stone. This is often used culturally as a parable on bravery, when it is actually a story of relying on the work of a powerful God in impossible circumstances. Through the event David is thrust into popularity that creates almost constant tension between the old King, Saul, and the newly ordained not yet King, David. Multiple times Saul tries to kill David, and the story I’m about to share takes place after one particularly intense attempt on David’s life by Saul where David flees.
While on the road David and his men are starving so he stops in to see Ahimelech the priest for some food. The part of the story that gets most of the attention is Ahimelech the priest allows David and his men to eat the holy bread, a big no no. Then Ahimelech realizes David has no weapons:
8 Then David said to Ahimelech, “Then have you not here a spear or a sword at hand? For I have brought neither my sword nor my weapons with me, because the king’s business required haste” 9 And the priest said, c “The sword of Goliath the Philistine, whom you struck down ind the Valley of Elah, behold, it is here wrapped in a cloth behind the ephod. If you will take that, take it, for there is none but that here” And David said, “There is none like that; give it to me”
The sword that David won in battle during his youth, is only given to him once he becomes a man. There is no explanation as Ahimelech just provides it. The part of the story that is not mentioned other then not being given a reason that David didn’t know about this sword beforehand or already have it, is that it appears David is now ‘big’ enough for the sword. Going back and reading the story of David and Goliath reminds us that Goliath was a giant, therefore Goliath would have possessed a sword worth of his stature.
In my minds eye I never picture David as a large man, actually after reading this morning I realized that most of my images of David depict him as a handsome late teenager or twenty year old of average stature. I’m uncertain of any descriptions of David’s stature later in his life but there are many details that provided this picture for my mind: in spite of being a successful warrior David was a musician and poet, David had a way with the ladies, and David had a deeply intimate emotional relationship with Saul’s son Jonathan. All these details combined with being introduced to David when he is a boy have lead me to always picture him as a smaller man, until now. In this story he is handed Goliath’s sword without concern that he is ‘big’ enough to yield it when necessary. David has physically grown into the great manly character he demonstrated as a youth when he defeated Goliath.
This morning I am struck with the connection to the story line in The Lord of the Rings, where Aragorn the misanthrope ranger, who is a human son of the king of Gondor destined to lead the Kingdom of Men into prominence in Middle Earth, receives Anduril. The sword that defeated Sauron in the ancient epic battle of middle earth that freed the ring of destiny from the possession of the evil King Sauron. Embedded in this post is the scene where Aragorn is given Anduril. This is a picture I have of David receiving Goliath’s sword from 1 Samuel.
One other brief note on this is related to David’s use or lack there of use of the sword. After being handed it I would be very excited to go out and yield it at the first opportunity. Yet David does not, he understands that God has given him many ‘swords’ at the moment and in the next conflict he is faced with he does not use Goliath’s sword as justification that God intends him to go and start a fight with all those who oppose him. David understands that just because you have the sword doesn’t mean that you are meant to use it.
12 And David g took these words to heart and was much afraid of Achish the king of Gath. 13 So he changed his behavior before them and pretended to be insane in their hands and made marks on the doors of the gate and let his spittle run down his beard. 14 Then Achish said to his servants, “Behold, you see the man is mad. Why then have you brought him to me? 15 Do I lack madmen, that you have brought this fellow to behave as a madman in my presence? Shall this fellow come into my house?”
David when faced with conflict while holding Goliath’s sword at his side, uses his cleverness to avoid getting killed by Achish by acting crazy. It reminds me of a friend’s explanation of wisdom, “Wisdom is not merely knowing the correct action to take, but rather the correct action at the appropriate time.” Everyone has a destiny, something that you have been created to do, embrace it. When you are given a physical reminder of that destiny use wisdom because possession of the great gift does not necessarily mean that you are meant to use it in that circumstance.
Often I look at what I have done professionally and am amazed at how wildly distinct my vocations have been already in my career, the one common thread I have always seen is the value I place on relationship. The relational piece of every job I have had been key and the common call. Today I read an interesting quote that made me think about how God used my time as a full time vocational pastor to lead me into my current vocation.
In the introduction of Democracy in America by Jocqueville, he is describing the experience of visiting America after the revolution and how it inspired him to write this epic book. He reflects seven hundred years back to the revolution in France for his readers and makes this statement regarding the institution of the clergy:
“…the clergy established and quickly extended its political power. Its ranks were open to all, to the poor as well as the rich, the commoner as well as the lord. Equality began to insinuate itself into government through the Church, and a man who might have vegetated in eternal slavery as a serf could, as a priest, take his place among noble and often sit above kings.” (p.4)
A light bulb went on for me as I realized that the access I have benefited from by being a full time vocational minister to people of influence is one way that God has used circumstances to bring me to where I am at, and I was encouraged. Also encouraging to hear from this historian that the Church was an influence for equality in culture.
It seemed unusual but I gave a presentation in Orlando, FL in 2003 to a classroom of pastors in training titled, “Why you should care about Eminem.” In it my partner and I traced the thread of influence from the Negro Spiritual to Jazz to Blues to R&B and to Hip Hop as significant influencers of spiritual music, or as Jon Michael Spencer formerly Duke University refers to it Black Sacred Music. While appropriate for that audience the scope was far too limited, since the practice of American slavery as a oppressed people group African Americans have had greater influence then most realize, the clearest moment I point to is what is known as the Harlem Renaissance .
So this week I watched two interviews that sparked my passions on this topic one again first from the Harvard Business Review titled, The Tanning of America, interview with Steve Stoute. Perhaps it is my sensitivity but throughout the interview I feel the weight and appreciate Senior Editor Scott Berinato interviewing and awkwardness in using the term Tanning, it both highlights but also takes some of the power out of the white guilt associated with many similar conversations. That is an aside to the meat of the interview is when Steve Stoute discusses the Madison Square Garden performance of RunDMC. How they were not only changing music, fashion, but global culture. The significance that an executive from Adidas had vision in that moment is beautifully redeeming.
For those who have not heard the story, one of our cultures most successful and popular actors Will Smith was deeply influencing by RunDMC. When asked why he got into rap as The Fresh Prince, Smith answered that he saw the video of Run DMC doing a stadium concert in Japan when during the concert they told everyone to hold up their Adidas. Smith said seeing the influence these guys had over 20,000+ Japanese fans in that moment made him want to get into it. For those who don’t know the picture in this post is of my current version of the shoes which I grew up with in Baltimore and there is a collectors addition commemorating the 25th anniversary of the song My Adidas, available.
The other interview that got me thinking this week was from Inc. with Russell Simmons. Russell is one of the great culture leaders in our country and the world, this interview also gives him the opportunity to talk about his deep spiritual side to his life and ventures. He does have one great story he tells about LL Cool J and a commercial for The Gap. Sometimes the most powerful culture changers are clearly in your face but so transcendent that you cannot even see them, and for America there is a great responsibility for it’s citizens to respond to such a beautiful and tragic influence that has so deeply shaped us.
>When I was a kid I regularly dreamed. So much in fact I had regular reoccurring dreams, not day dreams, but actual reoccurring dreams at night in which I was returning to the same place, even sometimes revisiting a previous dream. This is the first time I have thought about it but I don’t remember many of my dreams anymore, is it something that has just faded or was it taken from me I’m not sure.
One lesson I am currently learning is the art of making new dreams. While this might sound very beautiful to me it is difficult and feels like it is splitting me at the seams. In biblical terms it might be more like dying to one self (Matthew 16:24-27). Time and again already in my life things that bring about a great deal of meaning to me have been taken from me. Is this because they had a inappropriate place in my heart? Yes. Is this because of the sin of those around me affecting my dreams? Yes. Is it because of reasons I don’t have any idea about right now? Yes.
These transitions, dying, making new dreams has been hard. Not only is it about looking forward and having a plan, but it is about digging in the lowest and earliest regions of my identity. My life was one of the chosen son of blessing, a role which torments me because I know I can never meet the expectation and yet it is the standard in which I have for myself. Either I am all things or I am nothing. This is a dream that is from the depth of hell and it deserves being shattered. But if that happens, then who am I?
Even in writing this post I’m lost at how my intention was to talk of rebuilding, the art of making new dreams, and yet I’m left feeling as an orphan. Yes we know that adoption (Romans 8:15) is one of the beautiful picture of scripture, yet have you ever known a person who was adopted and had severe abandonment issues? That is where I’m at.
Struggling to hold my own self deception too heavy for me, yet temporarily I keep it up knowing that it shatters when dropped and only then I will be free to make new dreams.
There was one special lent and easter while I was a minister at All Nations Presbyterian Church in Oakland, CA. I was responsible for the Sunday evening service we referred to as Tenebrae, it consisted of about twenty regular people that attended, we lit candles and used liturgical format that was more in line with high church when compared to contemporary churches. Since we had such a small group we would regularly try to incorporate things into the service sometimes for the good and sometimes not.
The table was set in order for people to come and they did. We had artist, software developer, gay, straight, white, black, Asian, religious and irreligious. There was room for all of us. As I have reflected on this event biblically since one of the biggest problems the early church had was who you were allowed to eat with and who was invited to the table. Peter got it wrong. There is also a reading of the Older Testament story of Sodom and Gomorrah that deconstructs the story being about sexual sin, rather this reading reasons the condemnation of the city is because they were inhospitable to strangers that were not like them and lawless.
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